Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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