nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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