How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
