Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i will never coherently bang her
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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