her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
