When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dignity is for republicans.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
