You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
