Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
