I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
