'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize