dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
