Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This is classic penis vs brain.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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