There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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