Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
