Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
