what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Pants are for mortals
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
