Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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