It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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