sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
