Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
