wakey wakey hands off snakey
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I've blown a few things in my day
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
