Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
