it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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