uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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