I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just found a bag of teeth...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
