Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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