my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
