Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
