You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
