if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
