there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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