Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
