Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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