can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
