i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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