I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
