I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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