i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
