out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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