Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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