I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
