I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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