were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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