He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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