My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
