Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
