I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize