I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
