All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
