I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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