tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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