If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
