you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize