Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
