i just identified you from a description of your pipe
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
