fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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