Im at strip club and am horny
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
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