Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize