you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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