you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
