Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
