he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
then he tried to convert me to islam
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
