Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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