When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
